Have you ever heard someone ask the question: “Why do bad
things happen to good people?” I’m sure
you have. I know that I’ve personally
asked this a multitude of times, I’ve probably asked it every time something
bad has happened to me, because I like to think I’m a “good people.” It’s a valid question though. Why does someone who doesn’t deserve the bad have
to go through hell and back and still feel as though nothing positive comes
from it? You want to know my answer? Something wonderful does come from it,
Every.Single.Time. That individual that
bad things keep happening to, they need to change their perspective. Instead of continuing to focus on the bad,
they need to open their eyes and see the beautiful within the tragedy. It has taken me almost 28 years, a lot of
pain, hurt, agony, depression, loss, and probably one of the worst things in my
life to ever happen for me to realize this.
I lost my best friend two weeks ago, in a horrible way. Watching your dog get attacked by another dog
10x their size, hearing the screams of terror and pain, and feeling completely
helpless not knowing what to do is a miserable experience, and unfortunately
one that I’ll never forget. Nothing
matters anymore at that point except getting your dog to safety, and getting
them help. I ran Reno to an afterhour’s
clinic where they assessed the damage. I
came back a few hours later to pick him up, and was told at this point that he
needed surgery. His attack was so severe
that the head of his scapula broke (it’s a bone that attaches the arm to the
shoulder). It was an unusual break, but
they think fixable. If not, we’re
looking at amputation. You know that
horrible gut retching feeling you get in the pit of your stomach where you want
to vomit and can’t move? That’s what was
happening to me at that exact moment.
For those of you who have dogs, or have had dogs, you can relate here –
your dog is a member of your family. And
for me, having no kids, my dog was my child.
My child was in excruciating pain and all I could do was hold him. He didn’t deserve this. He wasn’t antagonizing this other dog. He just came out of nowhere and swooped Reno
up in his mouth and wouldn’t let go.
Reno’s pain was so severe during the next couple of hours
that I ended up taking him back to the vet so they could administer a morphine
drip and monitor his pain. At 3:45am on
the first Monday morning in January of 2014 I received a call that I never
thought, imagined, or wanted to get – ever.
I don’t know if it’s because I was woken up from a dead sleep, or
because I thought I was still dreaming, or because I didn’t want to believe the
news that I was hearing, but I made the doctor repeat herself 3 or 4 times to
make sure I understood, really understood, what she was telling me. “Reno has suddenly passed away.” My whole world stood still. The world kept moving, but mine was frozen in
that moment, trying to wrap my head around that news. It wasn’t until I called my mom, and
verbalized those words, that it finally hit me.
This is not just my worst nightmare, this is not pretend, this is real
life, and the attack that Reno had 2 days ago was so severe and intense that it
killed him. My heart sank. I couldn’t choke back the tears anymore.
I just laid in bed for the next couple of hours, not knowing if
I could get up, or function, or take care of things that day. It didn’t help to be mad, or blame
someone. It didn’t matter how many “what
if” scenarios I came up with, the facts weren’t changing. My dog – my best friend – was gone, taken
from me in a horrible way. My heart was
heavy, my eyes were puffy, and I was completely lost.
As a couple of days passed, things didn’t seem to get easier, but I seemed to deal with reality a little bit better. I didn’t get mad. I didn’t get upset. I didn’t point the finger or put the blame on anyone. Nothing could take back the reality of the situation, so there was no point to try and think of alternative endings to it. What happened, happened. Regardless of how tragic, and sad, and lonely without my best friend I was, he was in a better place. He wasn’t in pain. He wasn’t drugged up. He was running, so fast, with all of my other dogs that had passed. He was making new best friends, and playing with new toys, and had an endless supply of the most delicious people food he could imagine. Right now, my pain and suffering was no longer the focus of my attention, Reno was. Reno was in a better place. At that moment, as tears streamed down my face – partially because I miss him, and partially because of how happy I am that he’s okay now – I felt an overwhelming sense of peace surrounding me. The heaviness in my heart was lifted and filled with happiness. I was no longer so lost anymore. I had the energy and the readiness to tackle not just that day, but also the days following.
Things started to fall into place after that. Old friends that I’ve missed terribly came
back into my life. Everything seemed to
flow a bit better. The trees seemed to
have more life. The world seemed a little
happier. As hard as it was for me to
decide in that moment to not be mad, not point the finger, not lash out in
anger, and stop thinking of myself, it was worth it. Instead of that negative energy, I was able
to embrace the turn of events and find the positive in it. That is was saved me.
The point of this is not having people feel bad for me for
my loss. It happened. We can’t change it. I will forever remember and love Reno, his
life on earth was too short but we can’t change the past. Instead, I want people to know that even when
you think you’ve hit rock bottom. Even
when you think you can’t take another breath, you can’t take another step, you
can’t do the same thing for another second – you need to check your
perspective. Bad things happen to good
people so they can grow from the experience, become more appreciative, maybe
even learn a lesson. In the same way, I
think good things happen to bad people for the same exact reason – so they can
see the good and hopefully change their ways.
Is it unfortunate that I had to lose my dog to find peace? Of course it is! Not a day goes by that I don’t think of
Reno. I don’t think of the accident
anymore though, I think of him wagging his tail uncontrollably when I would get
home from work, or nuzzling his nose into my neck to let me know how much he
loved me, or looking at me with his silly face with one ear bent back, or
cuddling up next to me when it was time for bed. My life was planned out for me before I even
stepped foot on this earth, so there is nothing I could have done to change the
events, so I just embrace it, I find the positive, and I change my perspective. That alone will change your life.
